In my private spiritual training sessions, I have the strange privilege to sit with people and hear about their most imtimate challenges. This includes the challenges that couples face in the bedroom. So, as a Father’s Day gift to my heterosexual brothers, I offer you these 10 gems gleaned from over 20 years of hearing the private groans and complaints of women. Note: this post is pretty explicit and written for a male audience.
1. She doesn’t want to tell you about your shortcomings. She knows how sensitive you are and she really doesn’t want to hurt you. Don’t wait for her to “speak up” if she’s not satisfied. Just because she doesn’t complain doesn’t mean she’s satisfied.
2. It’s harder to please a woman sexually. Most men can “get off” very easily. They can orgasm sticking it into almost anything. For most men, orgasm is a very linear thing. It’s more cyclical for women. It takes sensitivity and skill.
3. It’s not all about orgasm. For her, its about being close, its about sharing your bodies and being intimate. It’s not a race to a finish line.
4. Orgasm IS important. When we finish before they orgasm, they will tell us “it’s okay”. But it’s not. It’s a bummer.
5. Penis size does matter. So does penis shape. So does penis odor. They know how sensitive and insecure we can be about our penis, so they won’t tell us anything about it. But think about it, it does make a huge difference to their experience. It’s not that it has to be big. Big dicks are painful for some women. It’s just that we need to be aware of our anatomy and how it fits with their anatomy. If our dick is on the small side, we need to know how to perform to make the most of it. If our dick is huge, we also need to adjust the way we perform. Finally- keep it clean boys. Penises have a certain odor and if they’re not kept clean, that odor can be a huge turn off.
6. They don’t always want you to be gentle. This is something I hear all the time. Modern sensitive guys are generally more passive than their women want them to be. Especially in bed. They don’t neccesarily want you to be rough with them (they may), but many women want to be fucked hard. I’m not being vulgar – that’s the only way to say it.
7. They want us to be experienced. They may not want to know about our past girlfriends, but they don’t want to be with a rookie. They want us to be confident, and skilled, and knowledgeable, and know how to please them in a variety of ways.
8. You need to control your ejaculation. No matter what they say, they want you to be able to last a long time. You come too fast. You do. They want you to be able to fuck them hard for a sustained time. That takes some training and practice.
9. You need to get in shape. Your woman loves you just the way you are. She might even say something like “I’m not attracted to typically attractive guys”. This may or may not be true, but if you’re out of shape, they’re not into it. It’s not that you have to have a perfect body, but they are not attracted to couch potatoes. No one wants to be sloppily humped by a lazy guy. Go to the gym, go for a run, take care of yourself.
10. They’re not done at the end. Our sex drive is driven by a need to ejaculate. Our load builds up, we get horny, and we get interested. We will do almost anything to “unload” – we’ll listen – with eye contact, we’ll do romantic things, we’ll be super sensitive and warm. Then, if all goes well, we wind up having amazing sex that ends in explosive orgasm for everyone. We roll over, totally satisfied, ready to sleep. We’re done. They’re not. At the end of the lovemaking, their response to the oxytocin rush that happens with orgasm is a deep desire to bond more. They need to be held, they want pillow talk, they want to stay engaged. Try hanging in there. Feel your open heart. Men’s emotional center is opened by sex, so the after-moment is a great time to learn how to be emotionally vulnerable. And, if you hang in there, a great number of women will also be open to more sex.
Undoubtedly this will spark some conversations this weekend. But remember men; don’t expect them to be brutally honest with you. Take these 10 gems to heart in private and tune up your performance. If you do, everyone will benefit.