One of the central stories and comedic themes of countless sitcoms and movies is the guy who just doesn’t want to be tied down. Before he get’s married, his buddies take him out for one last hurrah before he “ties the knot” to his “ball and chain”. It’s funny and typical and all-too-often true. To a guy the moment he enters into a committed relationship is the moment his “free life” is over. Why? Because he is a guy- not a man- and cannot help but be dominated by any woman who is in his orbit. A man can hold his own with a woman and brings a great deal more to the relationship than being willing and able to bring home the bacon and willingness to surrender.
That’ s all a guy has. He pledges to be good, and do what he’s told.
No wonder guys want to run, or avoid relationship, or prefer to relate to pixelated women on the internet. The porn star you’re jacking off to is not going to hen peck you.
For many guys, there is also a kind of sad sense of rite-of-passage of getting married. This ball and chain marriage rite is the end of their boyhood. They go from being “single guys” to “married guys” and just make that compromise. Free life is over. No more good sex. No more partying. Time to “settle down” and get real. Gradually their male friends either drop away or also get married and join their community of married people. Many “married guys” only spend time with their wives and the husbands of their wife’s friends.
A man in his power has nothing to fear in relationship. If we know what we’re about in a deep way, we can simply join with a woman and keep our freedom intact. Our choice to commit and enter family life is an expression of our freedom and strong intention.
If we don’t really have that backbone of purpose in life, then it’s our only good choice. “Well, I can’t just party forever! I’d better settle down and do what I’m supposed to.”
To a Wild Man, a man in his power, freedom is not conditional. We are not to be dominated because we already have dominion over ourselves. We don’t need to have someone reign us in or tell us what to do and not to do because we are in control of ourselves and our energies. We then have enough power and energy to bring real value to our relationships and take care of the people in our families instead of having them take care of us and keep us in a crib.
Whether or not he has children, a man brings the father energy to a relationship. A guy brings the son energy.He needs to be looked after, monitored, kept in check, cleaned up after. A man doesn’t need a mom or a leash or a crib or a curfew. A man comes to a relationship with a tremendous load of value. A man contributes- not just money- but many things. A man adds his masculine tone, his masculine beauty. He adds to the moral tone of the house and brings the “king” energy.
Try this perspective on for yourself in all of your relationships. Comment as you will.